So many years have pasted and still it hurts..why?

When I was about four years p;d, my birth mother's boyfriend raped me several times. Shortly after my siblings and i were put in foster homes. Around the ages of seven and eight i was adopted while my siblings were sent back to our real mother. It never bothered me before that my mothers boyfriend raped me, or that she knew and didn't do anything about. Lately I find it to painful and it's been hurting a lot, and I don't know what to do. This pain has caused me to cut myself and has brought suicidal thoughts to my head..i really need some advice on what to do.

Most likely you supressed the memories when you were younger because they were too painful. or you may just have been to young to deal with the reality of what happened and didn't fully understand the extent. however i strongly advise that you find someone that you can trust that you can talk about some of the ways you are feeling and some thoughts around what has happened. This can either be a counsellor, your adoptive parents, or friend or relative. maybe you could also try starting a diary..i know people that helps for. goodluck xoxo

I wasnt ever raped but i was abused by my dad.. and it happened when i was really young (probably around 4 until i was about 10).. and i was perfectly fine with it at the time.. i was scared of my dad but didnt think much of it, well then once i was your age it really hit me. its just that stage where you really think about everything that has happened to you. when you were younger you probably knew what was going on, but it just isnt the same as when you truly know what happened. its reality hitting. its just the matter of time, and things will pass by trust me. get some good friends that will be there or go get a psychologist. its what i did and it really helped me out.

Thank you both for the advice. I've tried talking to my closest friends. It helped for a while. I've tried not thinking about and that also helped for a while. It just seems like no matter what I try the memories just cling to me. My life has had so many problem on top of that, and I'm not trying to brag or anything. I just don't know what to do. Thank you though for your advice, I really appreciate it.

I dont know all your problems, and i dont expect you to tell me everything, but i've had many things happen to me also, so i know what you mean by memories just keep coming back to you. i had it for almost 2 years.. i was a wreck, not going to lie. but i got some amazing friends, i would stay busy. dont ever be home alone.. and when i got my psychologist... that was the best thing i could do.
just keep talking with your closet friends, dont stop
and just remember people care about you and you have SO much to live for. dont make it short.

if you need anything or anyone to talk to about this, im here. you can pm... i apologize if this is really helpful, i tried.

Okay, I'm sorry you were raped, but, it was so long ago! When I was 13-16, I was sexual assaulted by my step dad, and it's fresher than the timeline of what happened to you. I have my moments where I think about it, but then I push it aside and look forward!

If you seriously cut and think about suicidal thoughts, that go and get help. I find people who cut or try and weak and craving attention. If it bothered you so much, you'd do something.

Instead of complaining, you'd be getting help or helping yourself!!!