Jane's Stud Farm

If you were a horse and to be ridden by Jane everyday, what horse would you be and why? State your reasoning and then end it with a quote about horse semen - well... it IS a stud farm!)

I would be a thoroughbred - not only cause they're fast and beautiful, but because their ancestors were Arabian horses (which are my second favourites) mixed with a Turk. They're stronger than Arabians, they're good for endurance races (good stamina) and they're less precocious.

Did I already mention that they're just so damn sexy? Well... they are!

If I were Jane's horse I would not only win her races, but I would perform wild and crazy practical jokes with her on my back, like lifting Jeff into the air by his underpants using my teeth and dumping him in the water trough and then my feed - itchy as buggery.

Quote: "If my horse sperm could get any hotter... you wouldn't be able to freeze it"

I'd a be a rocking horse from a toy shop.

Because I don't know anything about real horse breeds and also, Jane's a big geek who wants to play with me and never leave the house.

Horse semen tastes like 4 day old porridge.

^HAHAHA!!! Classy. I used to like porridge.

Reminds me of a Ralph quote from the Simpsons...

Well I would be an Arabian....But then that would be my obvious choice...

Lol....But I'll be sure to give Jane a good ride...As well as buck when the time is right.

You didn't leave your sperm quote Nori... thats SO unlike you to pass up a time to be crude...

Sorry but the word "Crude" does not compute in my vocabulary...However the word "Pride" does...

QUICK! Lets get out of this thread before I swear and my world comes tumbling around my keyboard... back to the safety of The Club where I can abuse as I see fit.

Hey are you still on msn?

Yup

Mo...God darnit.

I love you. This thread makes me feel farm and fuzzy in my pants. Gross, but really...I'm turned on like a powerhouse. Hot like a flaming tarantula.

You know...

I'll ride all you guys. Thoroughbred, Belgian, Arabian...the hell's with the rocking horse? I'll ride the first three in public, but a rocking horse? Why, Kevin, I'll ride you in the privacy of my own home...wouldn't want to embarass myself.

Well If I were a horse, I'd be an Italian Stallion.

My reasoning is as follows:
1) Because I am Italian.

2) Because Stallions are Studs (used for Breeding, for those that don't know the term)

3) Because it's my name on this site.

It's your modesty that wins me over.

^ Ha, I'm guessing you...but my fingers are crossed. Johnny, I've seen many a polo match, and I have to agree...Polo horses are pretty flippin' tight! A+ for creativity, my man.

Lizzy, Andalusians are lovely horses indeed, but one thing they lack...is speed. They are graceful, sure, but not quick and sleek. I'd still love to ride you. I always dreamed of owning an Andalusian, second only to a Friesian. Andalusians tend to have prettier heads, but hey...

This is going to be a major gang bang...I mean, a love fest. Me being the center of it all, YES! My prayers are being answered. Thank you sweet baby Jebus.

Who else wants to be ridden? I will ride you in order of appearance...Perhaps I can whip out my vaulting skills and ride two of you at once.

Oh, and I've got some questions...

Who likes to be whipped? Who likes being ridden bareback as opposed to a saddle? Do you like Western--laid back, slow and comfortable--or Dressage--proper, formal, and practiced? Or maybe you prefer being raced? Fast and furious, don't give me none o that 'slow and steady wins the race' garbage. Or perhaps jumping? Lots of up and down? I'll let my ponies decide for themselves ;) Oh, and do you prefer close contact or loose rein? Maybe you just want to be kissed on the nose and given a massage?

^ I actually think of you as a Thoroughbred Lizzy, but since Mo took that breed...let me think.

You could be a Hunter horse, usually a draft/thoroughbred cross. They're built for speed, are normally very beautiful, have powerful hindquarters, plenty of bone, are intelligent and bold, and have excellent stamina. BUT, they are not purebred like your lovely self?

Ah, or maybe a Galiceno...highly prized in Spain, Mexico and Portugal due to its excellent qualities of soundness, toughness, endurance and stamina. Quick, athletic, intelligent, attractive with tapered muzzles and kind eyes. BUT Galicenos are large ponies, not actual horses...

An Akhal-Teke: A horse that dates back before 1000 B.C., known for great stamina, heartiness, endurance...Blah, blah...They are very long-limbed and slinky. Kinda expensive too.

You know what, Andalusian wasn't a bad pick at all. They are gorgeous horses, very talented...just not fast. I could also see you as an Azteca. Stunning horses, intelligent and athletic.
Blah blah, I want a Morgan and a Lipizzaner. Jane has a headache.

Ha, I forgive you...I think I may go for another run, but I'll try nottoruntoofast.

I would be a Lippanzer. I think that's right.

Or maybe a horse that begins with an F. Cause there is one, but I can't remember it.

^^ hyah! Granny! Let's do kung fu moves to the Aladin Sing Along Movie! [[Oh, please! More cookies!]]

I would be an awesome horse.
I am big.
I am clunky.
I am fast.
I am fuzzy.
I am sweet tempered.
I am a female dog but a male horse.
I am good at spitting at people.
I like to bite people.
I can stomp very well.
My tail is long and well maintained.
I like bouncyness.
Did I mention I'm fuzzy?
OOoh. Fuzziness.

I want nose kissies!
[[Mhhmmmm....]]
I am very studly.
Fear the studlyness.
For it is awesome, and you can't compare.

Abs, you sound like the horse of my dreams.

Thelma - that might be the case - but at least Im not old.

I believe the ODB title belongs to you. :)

Though her father was handsome, my child now looks like Camilla Parker Bowles."

Best line I ever heard...Although I do feel for Camilla...She forever has to hear that she is second best to gain her husband.

Horse face

I would be the trojan horse cause it is huge, made of wood, and trying to get inside famously inpenetrable walls. Everything else is pretty self explanatory.

Captain Jane, I will be your Fresian..but a filly, not a colt. Will that do?

That will do. And a beautiful Fresian I think you will make.

I like this thread. It makes me happy in pants.

How many horses do I have now?

None. You have NO horses Jane... cause I became a jealous Thoroughbred and decided to form a mutiny - we're all galloping through the fields of freedom as you read this. Farewell my love and I left you a little present in my stall...

Lol...

I wonder how we would get Cory out with us, if he is a trojan horse...I mean we do not have any hands...If we push him I want to be at the front...That way I won't have to see any rank backsides while pushing.

I get to keep Cory and Kevin apparently :)

Anyone else staying to be riddin' by Janey? Mo, I'm going to shove the present back up your as*, get back here! Johnny...don't leave me...I want my polo pony.

NO Jane you cant. Its a present just for you.

Come on horses - dont give in to her seductive ways! She's a manipulative cow... and you know the rivalry cows and horses have!

Oh shush. I've kept my horses in a small pasture with a herd of cows...they loved each other.

Darn you all! I'm a human bean. Cows can't ride anyway! Gahh...At least abby said she would still give me a ride every now and then. She's my faithful companion.

Lol...It's funny how a horse can talk, and how horses can "mutiny" against one another...But before I am dragged off my kister...By the Mo...

I need to buy a sniper and shoot the traitors...Good bye Rocking chair Kev and Trojan (chuckles the condom) Cory...Lol.

Bye Bye....Shoots.

Say goodbye to your pets Jane...Muwahahahaha....

Lol...

Hahaha, thanks abby. You get extra grain...In fact, you can have anything you want that I can afford. I spoil "my" horses.

FYI, horsies, if you want your freedom...there's really no need for mutiny. You were never NOT free. We were simply friends...I put a roof over your head, gave you massages and all the treats you could hope for...in return, you let me cling to your back, barrel and mane as you jumped and galloped around...

Farewell my joy rides! Except for you, sweet brumpy.

*sigh* Okaaaaay... suppoooooose... *over-exaggerated-sigh*...

Comes trotting back, farts in the brumby's face as she trots past her (complete with a bit of follow through which the brumby has to get Jane to wipe off her nose later) and stands flexing her thoroughbred muscles, coat gleaming in the sunlight, flicking her luscious mane in the breeze and holding her head high and her neck arched.

Jane tries ever so hard to stay close to the brumby, cleaning crap off her nose... but she glances every few seconds at the beautiful beast standing there demanding respect. We all know Jane's a faithful human bean... but will she (CAN she) resist the urge to ride a REAL horse...