can you see??

That girl sitting on a bench she’s always there. You pass five times a day and her eyes still stare at the empty cola can in the road, you look at her, she knows you are, her hands shake a little…
She may want to cry, she don’t seem to like to be looked at… so you walk away, just like everyone else, she sits really still, she breaths in and out quietly, her watered eyes not moving, her small hands not shaking any more…
A week later you don’t see her, you pass without even looking, but she looks at you, she really needs help… she want to be invisible, but she needs to be heard…
She looks at her hands, seeing they are dirty she runs to a bathroom, she’s got to look perfect, she scrubs them, over and over again, but they wont be clean…
She stands on the small stool by the sink of an hour just washing her dirty hands, when will they be clean?
She looks in the mirror above the sink, and her eyes widen, she want to puke, she want to tear herself apart, she don’t want to be a face… she wants to be nothing, she want to burn till nothing else exists of her, she want to be forgotten, forever…
She don’t want to hurt those she loves, she wants to just never have been there, never have lived… she never wanted to be here, she don’t want to be here…
She sits on the side of the bath and looks at the wall, a blank wall, all blank…
She wants, wishes, prays her life was that way.. she want to just run, but has nowhere to go, she wants to hid but all the shadows are intolerant..
She looks at herself again, then opens the bathroom cabinet, wishing there was a drug that would solve it all, erase her life, make her not her any more…
She takes out the pills, 34 where in her hand, she returned to her bench, the one she once was happy on. The one she scratched ‘I love harry’ into, I bench she once sat waiting on for 7 hours, the bench he found out her dad died on because he was black… she looked around at all the faces, they all looked so happy, she didn’t know why…
The man walked past, she looked at him, she sees him but he don’t see her
She looked at the pills that lay in her hand, her body just froze, she got a chill and she burst into tears and took the pills one by one.
‘See what you have done to yourself you stupid child’ she repeated in her mind, she though of the plain wall, she wanted her life to be gone.. she opened her diary and she wrote on last thing…

‘id rather be me, not accepted, then the person you want me to be…… ‘

then she fell to the side hitting her head hard on the arm of the bench, the ‘I love you harry’ scribble getting covered in blood, she curled up with her last bit of strength and though of the person she would never be, she though of the people who could never understand her, never see her, because to them she was not there, to them she was nothing, to them she needed to change…