Adopted

Why does it hurt so much when you find out that you're adopted?? I found out a week ago but im to scared to ask my parents about it.. My cousin told me, we were fighting then she told me im adopted, but i said, no im not.. Then she said, well i should know coz i was there the day your parent went to the hospital to get you.. I just burst out crying and im not talking to my parents coz idk what to say... Im just scared that they will lie to me... What can i do?? Anyone who's in the same situation?

Im not but i would just say come right out with it. tell your parents that u need to talk to them. tell them its important. and tell them exactly what happened betweem yours cousin. just ask them don't be scared even though its a hard thing to go through

If your cousin told you that you were adopted when you were fighting, there's a good chance what she/he said wasn't true..you should definitely talk to your parents about your worries. They'll tell you the truth.

^ exactly..when me and my brother used to fight when we were younger he used to tell me i'm adopted. lol it was funny

Even if you are adopted its not a big deal, you parents are the ones that raised you, care for u, love you unconditionly, it doesnt matter that another woman gave birth to you, shes not you mother, your adopted mother is because she is here for you and loves you, same with your father.

your parents wanted you thats why they have you, the woman who gave birth to you proberly couldnt give you the life u deserve, she proberly didnt have the means to care for you, she gave you up so you could have a better chance at life.

My friend is adopted and when she found out it was ahrd for here but realised that her family love her for being who she is, it doesnt matter who was her birth mother because she has a mother and a father and shes happy.

Ok well i thought about it and im going to talk to them when they are both at home.. I told my mom i wana talk bout something thats really important to me and i asked her when will my dad come back and she said saturday.. So ya, thats when im gona ask them, but im still tiny bit scared.. Wish me luck, i just hope it's not true.... =[

Sometimes the truth is a scary and hurtful thing, but once known it can never be forgotten. Just make sure your ready to ask......

I've known since i was five... i found out when we went to the doctor and they asked about my parents medical history, and my mom started to squirm, and then told the doctor that they didnt know... and had to explain that i was adopted. it hurt like hell... but the saddest part: i had known all along somehow. i never felt like part of the family, like i was somehow not THEIRS, you know? i've never felt the same since. its hard, but if its the truth, just come too terms with it.

Why? I dont get it..

Someone loved you enough to take you into their lives, eventhough you were not theirs. That takes a lot of compassion and love. I like what Bob said, it does not take giving birth to make you a loving, caring parent. If they were good to you and you know they love you, you were blessed, some of us dont get that with our birth families. I have an older sister who was given up for adoption, we met her 8 years ago, she had a good, loving, caring family and she was happy, that was good to see. She was curious, but her adoptive parents are her parents. They loved her and raised her. Don't let something like this make you question your life and feel bad.

I am very thankful that i have parents.. Or atleast ppl who loved me enough to take me into their home and raise me.. But it hurts coz my real mom didnt even love me enough to keep me..

Thats because love is not enough......

There could also maybe more reasons to why a real mother would let there child go into adoption, i know it can be hard on you to find out but think how hard it would of been for her to let you go in the first place.

Also if you are adopted they may not of told you because they thought you werent ready for the news as you have found out its not the most cheerful news.

Being adopted is a strange thing indeed, coming to the conclusion of how close to an abortion you might have been, and then being told that your parents didnt give birth to you?, i personally didnt really care about any of that, at least i thought i didnt until i had a son, and when he was born they ask all the normal questions about hereditary questions and things that run in your family, and i had no answers, that was the first time, i actually thought about pursing my birth parents, then i saw i doctor and discovered a little thing called abandonment issues, i obviously had repressed them, and this list could go on and on, but i'll stop there, i am grateful for the parents i have, but i do feel like i was a mistake for even being born, and that was the reason i was given up for adoption in the first place...

Id rathernot you mentiond about abortion, i found out not to long ago i was nealy aborted at 22 weeks i was like o.O errr okay!!! although i was a little down i was also kind of happy i wasnt aborted.

It is not that she did not love you enough to keep you, it is that she loved you enough to do what was best for you. For most people adoption is not an easy choice, always wondering, always knowing, part of you is out there somewhere, but that is the sacrifice they make to give their child what they deserve, someone capable of loving them and raising them.

Not to be argumentative AT ALL, but the only one who really knows that is the birth mother who gave me or whoever up for adoption, there is a lot of speculation, maybe she didnt care at all? im not trying to be mr. negative, but people do things for all kinds of reasons, and until i talk to that person face to face i will never know....

but i do see your point as valid too, dont get me wrong...

Bob i was going to say the exact same thing before but thought i'd prob get a whole lot of slack for it

I wana meet the woman who gave me up for adoption and tell her to her face what i think of her, but i'll first thank her for giving birth to me.. Thats the only thing im really thankful for.. I love my parents with my whole heart but why would they keep it a secret?! If i adopted someone i would tell them while they are still little and i'll try to explain to her/him why they were given up for adoption, i know this might be hard but i wont keep it a secret for so long... Understand what im trying to say?

Well why don't you ask your parents that question.

but of course there could be many reasons. it could be because adoption is a very hard concept to understand when you are young. they may be worried they'll lose you, that you wont see them as your real parents, that you'll treat them different, hold it against them. they may have done it to protect you from getting hurt. maybe your birth mum is someone who was not a very well/good/nice person it is better you don't meet her.

there could be many reasons

Even if you were, so what! The people you know as your parents are there for you, and always have been! They love you! Sure, it might be a shock. But they're your parents as you know it! For all you know, they could of saved your life from a terrible one! If I were you, I'd just ask them straight about it. But I don't think it is something to stop talking to your parents for!

You don't even know that you were adopted yet!! do you? you probably aren't, keep that in mind..talk to your parents before making huge assumptions.

Dude selene, yeah she might not know but the damage is done isnt, the questions are in her head, the worries the doubts, everything! and this thread is to help give her advice, if she isnt adopted then fine thats good but if she is she can use this thread to help her, everyone here seems to be willing to give helpful advice and be here for her except you. Sorry to sound mean but until we know for sure if she is or not then the posts on here shld be positive and helpful.

Excuse me divine divinity, i believe i am trying to help just as much or more than you or anyone else on this thread. i am encouraging her to keep her hat on and relax until she knows the truth! no point getting upset about something that is unsure, especially when SOON, it will be sure.

who is doing her more harm? me, staying relaxed and encouraging a calm atmosphere? or you, assuming that she IS adopted and getting worked up...what if she isn't? then all of these "you ARE adopted, i am so sorry" posts are counter-productive..being adopted isn't a bad thing anyway. there is nothing to be sorry about! her birth mother was unable to take care of her or something happened that caused her to give up the baby...to a better home. the woman who gave birth do her is not her parent. her parents are the two people that raised her, cared for her, and helped her become a wonderful young lady.

now, before going out of your way to target people with strategies different than your own, think about what i said.

thank you, now let's get back on topic.

br0ken angel, please let us know when you find out what is and is not true. like i said before...people will say things that are untrue, when they are upset. your cousin may have been making things up.

Im sorry selene, i didnt mean it too sound at all counter productive, as i have said early in the thread my views are just like yours, parents being those who raised her.
I wasnt targeting you.

now like selene said its was probably heat of the moment stuff from your cousin, my mums twin said she was adopted when they fought.
now you said your dad was comming home saturday, have you thought how ur gonna ask them?

Hey, it's fine...don't worry about it. Thank you for apologizing..

Ok tomorrow is saturday, my dad is coming home and then im gona talk to them.. Im scared and i dont know what to say.. Im so scared/nervous/upset/sad about it.. I just dont know whats gona happen or what they gona say.. Oh well.. I'll just wait and see what happens.. Wish me luck plz...

Good luck! just be confident about yourself and um yeah, not sure what else to say as i've never been in this situation but try your best and get it over with as quickly as possible.

again lots of luck!
tell us how it goes.

Ok, comming from some one who -is- adopted.
Ask, find out the truth from your -parents- and if u are...do you even realise how damn luckey you are? If u really are adopted then every time you see some poor child who has no home, no mom, no dad, living on the street, dealing to stay alive. Or everytime you hear of a child getting abused, or left on some ones door.....just realise how luckey you are that a careing family took you into their lives and raised you as their own flesh adn blood. If you really are adopted adn you are upsert over it, then you truely are a sad ungreatfull child who was given a blessing that was wasted. Being adopted is a gift, a chance at somthing better, becasue someone some where needed you to be here, and be the person you are, not the person you would have been. Some one needed you, and one day (hopefully) you will wake up and realise that.
<3
Bianca

"The saddest thing in my life was the fact that I wasn't adopted....figure that out and you'll realize how blessed you truly are....."

It really does scare and suprise me when Bob says things that are so wise. Lol. But seriously Bob, I couldn't have said it better.

To the origional poster: Why does it matter that you were adopted? It's best to be adopted because it means that your parents wanted you. Forget about biological parents, they are not your parents anymore. One day you may have the oppurtunity to meet them. Just don't judge them to harshly for their actions. Having kids can be extremely hard, especially if you don't have a steady job or the means to take care of the child(ren). And if you do meet them, think of it this way... TWO CHRISTMASES!! :) Lol.

Aww sweetie, i'm so sorry to hear you found out like that. I'm not officially adopted, but its something like that. Everyone is saying woopie doo...like its not a big deal. But it realy is. Even if your mother and father who raised you and loved are like your real parents, its only natural to feel down because they arent your blood relatives. And its only natural to want to find them. I know how hard it is. I've never really been with my mum or brothers and sisters since i was four and i found it very very difficult. I'm only just uderstanding everything. I'm actually extremely angry at my birth mother right now and i refuse to call her my mum. Its all a phase which i will hopefully overcome. I know how hard it is..and it may not be so bad. But you will probably hurt because 1, you havent been told and 2, because they are your Real parents. Just remember, that the people that adopted you realy are your mum and dad because they have loved you your whole life, always taken care of you and have never neglected you. I hope you find peace in your life again.

Much love,
Chrissie xx

For me it hurts because I know that someone else gave me up. I don't like to talk about it because I'm not sure how my adoptive mom will take it. It's pretty scary. I know what you're going through.

Hey broken angel its well past saturday how did it go? did you ask your parents if its true?

Ok.. So i asked them, saturday felt like the longest day ever, i cried/laughed/smiled all in one.. Ok well i cried coz its true... I am adopted, it was a shock coz i never really thought i was... I laughed because i realized how lucky i am to have parents, especially these guys, i mean, they are so cool!!! The give me money, love me, give me everything i want, they make me laugh and they took me in, raised me and supported me!!! They mean alot to me..

Well I kinda feel sorry for the woman who gave birth to me, my mom said she was 17, she wanted an abortion but her parents said she must rather give me up for adoption coz they didnt want to help her raise me and the guy who got her pregnant just took off... So i do understand why she did it and im not mad at her for that, id like to meet her though... I just wonder if she ever thinks about me.. My mom also showd me a picture of her, she is really pretty and i got to keep the picture =] i look at it alot and i kinda look like her...

Now i know why my family is always so different when im around.. =0

But im just happy to have my parents!!! =D

Well, it's good that you realise how special you parents are. Anyone who decides to take child in deserves a medal. When you're ready you should try to contact your birth-mother. Remember that no matter what your adoptive parents are as good as birth parents. :)

Well you did really well in asking them and realising how wonderful they are and that it takes alot to take in another persons child,
now that you know your parents might feel a little like you dont love them anymore, im not sure but just make sure they know how happy you are to have them, like you said in your post. and how happy you are that your part of the family.
you birth mum probably thinks about her little baby all the time and as the above poster said when your ready you should find her and tell her how glad you are that you were born and that you have a wonderful family, when you meet your birth mum make sure she knows that your happy and have a good life, thats all a mother wants to hear.
:)

Hey, that's wonderful news! your parents seem to truly love their little girl, and you are lucky to have them as much as they are lucky to have you..just think: your parents really WANTED you..they searched and searched for the perfect baby...and they found her :) hopefully you can meet your birth mother someday. i'm sure she thinks about you every day. i'm very happy for you.

Okay considering you and your couisn were fighting im prettty sure she only said that.. considerign when me and my sister fight i tell her shes adopted all the time.. casue im madd at her.. obvioulsy if you look like you parents then you aint adopted but if you dont you then you probally are adopted and i would ask them for the truth.. but it sounds like you cousin was maddd at you.!

She already asked and found out the truth. read some of the latest posts.

Well we did have a big fight but she apologized, she said she didnt mean to tell me, it just slipped out.. But i know the truth now and im kinda glad that she told me... =]