All Cutting, self harm threads - post here #9

This is where posts about cutting belong, either experiences, helpful hints or just sharing...

and please do not disrespect this thread......the cutting I am referring to is self harm, anything other than that will be penalized....Thank you

Just to ask what was said by... bugger i forgot, but on the last thread in reply to something i said

so these thoughts don't make me crazy? you think them too and your still here? how do you do that thou the ones in my head are really weird, like i said i see something and think if that can kill me, that kinda stuff and what my note would say and stuff also if those i love would hate me for it. I've been self harming for 3 years, on and off but never had i been thinking stuff like this. what do i do to stop the thoughts? its making me really worried/ scared. also if i was to die in some sorta accident today i don't think i would say i wanted to live, what does that mean?

oh and good work poison8ivvy for not cutting for a week! like moani^^ said keep talking to your friend.

For me it means I have not found something meaningful in my life, I have friends I love, family who means the world to me, but I have not found my niche outside of that safety group. So it is almost like eventhough I have people around me who love me and have confidence in me, my life is empty. Thoughts are scary sometimes, especially when floating into the darkness becomes so easy. It is what we do with those thoughts that matter. If you don't think life is worth living you have to find something to change that view, that is what I have been trying to do and that focus helped me stay away from cutting for a long time.

Well i have been cutting myself for a long time about 4 years and i cant stop for long or i start to do other things..... i am tired of always getting hurt by other people out there and its not fair.... i like to think that each time i slice deeper and deeper it is riding me of pain and everytime it gets deeper there goes a worse pain to come and will leave me worse than it came.... idk what to do or how to stop ... i am tired of ppl not understanding me and getting mad at me for doing it..... idk i need help .... so if you have advice please do tell

The fact that people get mad just proves how much they care. No one who loves you wants to watch you hurt yourself. It is frustrating to be an outsider and not know how to help because truly we are the only ones who can help, other can be there and be supportive, but we have to do the work. Cutting is just the symptom of a bigger problem, only you know why you cut, so if we want to stop we have to rectify whatever causes that reaction.

Danielle...

what 'other things' do u start doing?
because they might be better than cutting... u never kno...
ur totally right, getting hurt over and over inst fair at all, and it really does take a toll... but talking to people is a really good way to get some things off your chest, u kno?
u have to kno, not everyone's gonna understand. not everyone is going through the exact things you're going through, so they're not going to understand y u do what you do... and they're gonna get mad because they dont understand... the best thing u could do for them is try to stop... im not trying to force u to stop... but its seriously like the only way tht everyone else will be happy

Thats true but i also think it is often used as a coping mechinism cause we never learned to deal with our problems.And we become addicted to the short term release of the pain. the pain drowns out the real pain.

But what if cutting is the only way to keep from offing yourself? Then u would be doing the people around u a favor so they dont have to deal with your death just a few minor abraisions.

Saying you need help is start, it means u want to stop on some level. like the others have said not everyone is gonna understand.

beautiful chaos, i totally get what you mean about having friends and family and feeling so empty, right now i dont feel so alone, knowing that someone else feels the same. my thoughts are scary, i dnt think i know of any thing that will make me feel better, not even the holidays (right now) are making me feel any better.
floating away into the darkness feels like the best option right now, i really need to cut but im being watched.
i feel so horrible for complaining and not enjoying what i have, i feel like such a bad person unloading on you all.

Hey dont feel bad were all here to unload.

My dog died and im going to the bone tonight.

Things just seem to be getting worse for me now. family problems and everything just going on all together. its also not easy...year 11. the year i was dreading. i have been self harming since i was 11 and still am and im nearly 16....but recently ive been doing it everynight. it doesnt help in anyway but its uncontrollable its hard to tell people that but it is.....its getting out of hand. I recently took two overdoses in the summer and spent up to a week in hospital. i feel so bad..all the time..everythings my fault always blamed on me. im so scared.

Have u tried rubber bands or ice? Or they say if you have a ritual like getting out your stuff getting it set up then cutting then whenever you feel like cutting you go through the ritual but donnt acctually cut.But im prob the worst person to be giving advice on this topic. But if you need some1 to talk to ill be right here,i have 24 hour online access from school and home so whenever your feelin low and u need some1 to talk you can find me if you want.

Divine divinity is right.
Saying you need help is a huge leap.

I dunno wat to do anymore cuz my bf is not here hes still on Oahu for his job thingy and I'm stuck here on Kauai...and I been not cuttin for like 1 month...an I have no idea when he will be back puls i dunno if he is cheating on me or watever...an I feel like I want to cut again so pplz help me out here cuz i dunno wat to do anymore.

JUst because your bf is away does not mean he is cheating, unless of course there is a history of it and you have reason to worry, is that why you worry? It sounds like you are in a panic because you are unsure. We cannot control what other people do, we can only control ourselves. You have not cut in a month, why? What were you doing differently? You must have been thinking differently, otherwise you would not have stopped. We cannot have all of the answers all of the time and sometimes we have to trust the people we love, no matter how far away they are.

No theres no history of him cheating...but i jus dunno cuz u never know if he did or watever.but ya oh wellz...

Well if he hasn't cheated then why would you want to throw your trust away and give yourself one more thing to worry about? Inventing problems is way too easy and harmful.

Beautiful chaos is right, you love him dont you? and he loves you, theres no history of cheating so hes proberly thinking of you all the time and missing you and loving you more each day.
part of love is trust and if you start doubting him it might drive him into the arms of another. try not to invent more reasons to cut, its been a month, thats really good, what ever you've been doing in the last month keep doing it, its keeping you away from the blade. it is normal for SI to feel the urge to go back to hurting themselves but its just and urge try your best to fight it, your in a situation that you dont understand you u want to turn to the old habbits, dont! like what was said earlier you can't control others but you can control yourself, control the urges and beat them dont let them control you. things will get better and you'll get past this. please try not to hurt yourself again.

cory: sorry to hear that your dog died. i love animals they feel like my only true friends.

Thanx divine but i dont think it matters n e more.

I understand what you mean, when theres nothing there its the scars that you dnt want people seeing, no one knows except one mate and you guys. they used to (last time) and they never said anything but their eyes always lingered over my wrists and when i was cutting in front of them they never looked me in the eyes. i love them heaps but they can never understand.
im not really proud of it but it makes me feel better and i honestly think well its good for me so im gonna do it, stuff what others think.
trying to stop is the hardest thing for people like us, and those who do manage to beat it really know how hard it is, their the ones that understand the pain the most, while the rest of the world thinks it can be turned off like a light switch.

I keep walking to the mirror and looking at my scars i feel so stupid.

Yea I guess I do love him...maybe ur right I should jus think positive an ya...

My girlfreind cheated on me .= (

You can share my pod, my bf cheated on me. Some people just don't know what loyalty means.

Nope i dont think n e body does.Its over though im not even going to tell her either im going to chage the code on the gate and not call her.lol thatll teach her.and shell need money by tomarrow garenteed.lol

No there are people who know how to be loyal, we just didn't happen to find them.

Yeah but this makes the second 1 in a row.When i was in iraq i got cheated on.

That happens sometimes, I never saw it coming, but then there was a lot I didn't seem to see coming. Letting them break your faith in everyone has no benefit, there is a lot you could miss. It is just sad someone would rather lie then just be honest and end it if they're not happy. It is so cowardly.

Yeah but this will hurt her more so maybe she'll know whats going on when shes in the streets tonight.lets just see if her boyfreind can support her.lol(he cannt he works at taco bell) lmao

People make choices, they're not always the right ones, but atleast now you know, it's her loss.

Yeah but another thing is i've got borderline personality disorder and with that comes a bad fear of abandonmentso this is a nightmare for me.

Oh I know, I have the same issues, that is why I have spent time holding onto things I know were bad for me.

Yeah same here there are so many things i wish i could quit like falling in love with people who dont even deserve to be loved.And of course cutting.I think thats why she cheated i havent been you know.....sience i started cutting again.I didnt want her finding out my dirty little secret.Then i would have to explain and oh that would have sucked.

That I never had to worry about, I was always honest about it, it is not something that is easy to hide if you are intimate. Love is complicated, too many fairytales attached to it. JUst like everything in life, it is trial and error, hopefully we learn and don't make the same mistakes.

Yeah but like i said the whole fear of abandonment thing im pretty much terrified that someday ill wake up alone and all the people that i loved will be gone.i dont want to live to see that day.

So im trapped and i have no way i could even be truthful with them without them all leaving without even saying goodbye.

Oh you just have not met that person yet. There are those who except us with everything, flaws and all, they actually try to understand and be compassionate. I am lucky enough to have that in friends and family and while I did not find that in the whole relationship, the self harm was one thing he was understanding of.

Wow your really lucky keep him. my family would disown me and my social life would be over if n e 1 found out that im a cutter. im like the guy that has it all together.supposedly.i always get the girls have the parties.

No he is poison everywhere else. It is easy to be someone you're not when everyone is watching. It is funny how many masks we learn to wear.