My ex is giving me advice on my current b/f?!?

Long story short my ex b/f cheated on me with my biggest enemy last year and now ive moved on to find a great guy who would do anything to make me happy he told me he loved me and wants me to say it back but I cant he thinks he understands and he wants me to feel comfortable saying it but its b/c of my ex that I cant. And the thing is that my ex and I still talk and he (ex) has been giving me advice on how to be comfortable enough to tell my current that I love him. So basically my ex is telling me how to tell my current that its my ex’s fault that I cant say “I love you”.

Its complicated right but do I take my ex’s advice or how do I get to a comfortable point?

Thanks guys even the slightest advice helps and i get where you're comming from but i am just so afraid b/c of what my ex did by cheating on me and so im afraid someone will do it again. I do love my current b/f but to say it allowed makes it so much more official ~Carrie

No, but i wouldnt recommend telling your partner the details of it! =]

So if I'm getting this right,
You're asking your ex whether you should tell your bf you love him or not but you don't think you can because you still have feelings for you ex..so clearly you ex is the problem but you still go to him for advice.

Am I the only one who sees the irony in this?
Why do you still talk to your ex? or ok, if you still do, why about your current bf? It doesn't make sense..it doesn't seem like either of you guys are truly over each other..and I don't think his (ex) opinion will be truthful because he's biased due to the fact of your past together. He wouldn't excatly be the person I'd go to to talk about things like your feeling for your current bf. Unless there's something deeper there. Hmmm..

You've kinda got it more or less im telling my ex that i cant tell my current b/f that i love him b/c my ex hurt me too bad and yes i know not all guys cheat and to answer samantha no dream cheating does not count but on the other hand if you find yourself with this same guy nin your dreams often you may want to question that.

Now back to Viola no i see the irony in this too which is what confusses me. I still talk to my ex b/c he was a BIG part of my life for 2 years and we are friends and normally our separate relationships are out of the convo but i was upset and he wanted tyo fix it. ive questioned if im over him but its been 7 months since we broke up and thats why ive moved on me and my current b/f have been together 2 weeks its new to me. I know his opinion is biased but my friends would kill me if i went back to him and so to talk about it is difficult b/c i dont want them to think im still hung up on him. I dunno if theres something deeper there but even if there was i wouldn't put myself through that again. but if there is then im not being fair to Ian(my current b/f)

Bottom line. going to be serious with you and brutally honest. It takes big guts to ask your ex b/f who CHEATED on you about your b/f now. Shouldn't be happening. You are the only one stopping yourself. Sorry, but it's the truth. I don't understand why you would still want to talk to someone after they cheat on you. I guess some things about some women i'll never know.

Carrie,

I understand how hard it is to openly tell someone that you love them. I have had the same delima and yes, I honestly am in love with the guy.

Two years later we have remained best friends, but he has married another person. She was able to tell him that she loved him.

Sad part is, now we both admitt that we are actually in love with each other; however, he chose his wife and that is where he must stay.

Just because you cannot say it does not mean that you do not feel it. Others may disagree, but I can understand.

Try putting it in writing for him if you want. Or just tell him the truth. That you are really uncomfortable talking openly about your feelings. You are afraid of getting hurt again. That you allow your actions to speak for you and if you did not care (or love) him then you would not do the little things for him that you do.

Just my rambles, but I hope it helps.

--Sher

~Hooy yes thank you i am happy to hear the truth even if it was brutal. Thats my thing though i know its crazy for me to still talk to him but i go to school grade k-12 and there are maybe at tops 300 students... its hard to avoid him. I do love my boyfriend and i know it but knowing and saying it are two completely diffrent things. by saying i put my heart on the line and become vulnerable again.

~Sher you seem to have alot of expirience with this kinda thing and your slightly older so you have that hand up. I really do love hima nd due to other things in my lifwe i dont take that word lightly. I wont say it unless i mean it but by putting it out there im vulnerable and that scares me.I love the little things the way he calls everynight just to say sweetdreams or his little texts through out the day to remind me of how much he misses me. the way he will hug me for minutes just because he missed having me in his arms. I love that and i really do want to say it. Your rambles do help even though they were slightly confussing.

Listen..i know it's hard to say it and make urself vulnerable, but i was cheated on once, and had a suicidal g/f after. Trust me i know. But you know what. You need to open up and let people in. Don't do it till ur comfortable but as i've learned, not everyone is the same.

2 weeks is a little early, unless you've known each other for a while. I said i love you to my g/f before we started going out. Now it's been a year together on the 13th. If you feel it, say it, if not, don't.

Thanks its nice to hear from someone whos been in my place. Im trying and weve talked about it and he knows i need to take it slow. I trust himm...ithink but it may take me some time we only met a month ago and been going out 3 weeks today. Thx for the advice and congrats on the 1 year thing. i hope ill reach that point one day.