My parents shelter me

In wasn't sure where to post this.

Anyway, my parents shelter me, Im no alowwed out alone or to go on websites my parents haven't looked over yet. I only get to go on internet once a week for one hour and I'm not alowwed a cell phone or anything like that. The clothes I buy need to have my moms approval, not because they're skimpy or reavealing or anything, simply if she likes it or not. Im not alowwed to wear big earings or gaudy jewellery.Im not allowed swear at all (I can't even say hell) and If my parents found out I swear whne Im with my friends they'd murder me.
What do I do?

Well, I doubt they would murder you, but I know where you're coming from.

When I was a teenager, there were no cell phones, but I'm sure I wouldn't have been allowed one because, although I had a job the summer after my Junior year and throughout my Senior year of High School, I wasn't able to have a car and drive myself to work until I came home for summer after my freshman year in college..and <gasp> I had to pay for it myself!

Forget about swearing... I wasn't even allowed to use any slang words.

I grew up in a very conservative Christian home (Baptist). The "rules bar" was set high, very high. No, I didn't like it then, but I was also taught and expected to not only obey, but obey immediately, without question and with a smile on my face.

----

What do you do? You thank your parents for that umbrella of protection. They are trying to give you a good, strong foundation. When you grow up and leave them, it will then be your responsibility to build on that foundation... and you can choose your own way. Maybe you will follow directly in thier line of strictness, but maybe you will move down a step or two.

If they give you no structure at all, you will end up having a very tough time building your own foundation or maybe you will even try to start raising kids without building one.. and that will be very sad for them.

For now, just follow their rules, knowing that they have your best interest in mind, and then later, you can look at that standard they set and decide if you want to keep it for yourself or not.

ok... I'm done preaching... :)

...

It might be just me, but is this not the second post regarding this topic? What are all teens deciding to rebell (sp?) against their parents today??
Now really, all I want to know is, why today? lol.

About the original topic, I belive that in life we often learn through making our own mistakes..therefore sometimes we need room to be able to do this (or for the wiser, learning from the mistakes of others).
However, your parents protecting you is a blessing too, because really you don't want to mess up your life and then realise "oops i shouldn't have done that". Seems a little too late by then don't you think?
They're only trying to protect you, and yes, they want what's best for you. You can't blame them for that. On the contrary, you should thank them.

--Viola

Oh come on.... you can do better than that....

I was totally shocked myself when I realized late in my senior year how thankful I was for the strictness under which I was brought up.

(this was not for you Viola - I was just shocked at her lack of response of any kind)

^I guess she didn't get the response she was looking for.

I guess not.

I really like your response, Viola.. you show great maturity for a 16 year old.

I especially like this: "I belive that in life we often learn through making our own mistakes..therefore sometimes we need room to be able to do this (or for the wiser, learning from the mistakes of others). "

Your parenthetical is something that very few people learn to do. My husband actually has a sermon on that titled "A far better teacher" :)

I would have liked to have heard that sermon.
And I am very glad you think I'm mature, Anne Marie. I really am. This comming from a 39 year old woman means a whole lot to me. :) Thanks.

I'm going to be truthful, I was sheltered consistently during my life. My mother is a very conservative Catholic and I went to Catholic schools my entire life, including an all-girls high school. I have rebelled in every way imaginable and although I'm sure my upbringing has helped I'm pretty sure that is sort of the way I am.

Regarding you, don't rebel. I know it doesn't seem like it would help, but talk to your parents. Tell them calmly, maturely and express your concern. Start by asking for small things, but also keep in mind to ask yourself "is it really necessary that I have this?" Do you need to wear big earrings or gaudy jewelry? do you have to swear?

Well, I would have to agree with your parents. You're 13, and a lot of kids are completely out of control these day, espcially around that age! My ex-step sister was COMPLETELY out of control at that age! She just turned 15 and drinks, smokes, drugs, everything and that is because her father told us to leave her alone, no discipline. Plus, at that age, why do you need a cell phone? 3 years ago, you were 10! Do you get that!? You're still a very young CHILD! You're parents are only trying to protect you, and trust me, let them protect you! They don't want anything to happen to you and don't want you to get hurt. On-line, they're probably afraid of you being one of those stupid teens who 'falls in love' on-line and ends up raped and murdered! They don't want you to have a cell cause they don't want to pay for it! If you're so desperate to have one, get a JOB and pay for it yourself! They just want to protect their little girl, and you should have a lot of thanks to them for that!

Oops, forgot to change my age on my profile, LOL.

actually, I'm all for kids having cell phones of some kind if they are allowed out and about. I'm thinking, though, until they have a job and/or are driving, it would be sufficient to provide them with one that can be programmed with just a few numbers and those are the only numbers that can call or be called

I could have swore I just replied to the same post the other day for someone else....I agree with Viola. Whats going on with the world!?

JayJ

I think thats a really good idea Link. Thanx for understanding.

Kind of what Im saying is that my mom doesn't trust me. She's lectured me enough so I know about the dangers of online so I don't think Im in much danger, but it's just people think my family is poor and stuff when they find out I dont watch TV and dont get any channels anyway, I rarely go on internet and don't play the more popular games.
Something else is that Im just not aloud to make my own desisions, I dont really think thats a good way to raise a kid, I mean when she lets me go Ill have freedom I wont know what to do with. Right?

Wow! that does sound strict!!!
but i think it's really great that the posts from teens these days are about 'can't go on websites' and 'can't swear', and 'new colthes need mothers approval' and 'can't wear earings and jewellery'! if you think about it, that's great! it's not a post about "my parents beat me" or, "there's never enough food for the whole family" or, "I was abused by my cousin" there's a lot of people who would love to be 'sheltered'
anyhow, just a little something to think about.
It'll get better by the way. give it a couple of years and she'll start to trust you more.

O dear, i thought my parents were strict (not trying to make you feel bad) well, idk if this would work maybe you could try it....sit your parents down and tell them that you would like a little more freedom let them know that your not trying to be rude to them, you just really want them to understand. i know you might think its a little gay to have a little meeting with your parents but hey, give it a try if you havent already.

Let them know you are your own person and you need time to grow and learn and be free. its your life! live it up man

^^Um, sorry and no offense, but that is the most ridiculous advice for this poster. She is 13 years old...I think freedom is a little out of the question. Very few parents let their child run wild and "experience the world for themselves." I was incredibly sheltered my entire life and though it sucked, I think parents need to have the upper hand over their kids until they reach an older and more mature age. If the poster can't realize that her parents do this out of love and caring, then she's not mature enough to have this freedom she so desires anyways.

My dad is strict too. But you know....the only reason parents isolate us is because they love us. No skimpy clothing....they don't want a guy to rape you or somehting. They keep us sheltered caus ethey care.

I refuse to wear skimpy clthing anyway. I think it's wrong for girls to sell their bodies like that.

Any way, I felt like I needed to get more exercise and I cannot do any endurence sports (I dont have a disability I just aren't built for it) and so I started taking walks (like 30 minutes) around our neighborhood, I went like once and my mom asked me where I went so I took her along with me the next day because she told me to. After she told me I wasn't aloud to go out by myself because...actually I don't know. Anyway she said she didn't want somebody to kidnap me or something so if I went again somebody had to be with me.
Taking walks alone is rerally good for me, it's and easy way to het excersize and it helps me clear my thoughts. But because of the way she brought me up Im constantly paranoid that someone is following me. Its hard to do anything else in the way of excesize.
She lets me have a little more freedom now, )more like she's given up) bt Im aloud to do what I want with my hair, (so long as I pay) adn eat what I want mostly, but she lectures me about 'IIts your body and If you want to suffer the concequences than go ahead' she raised me on healthy food (I have to hank her for that ) so staying away from junk food isn't much of a problem.
But I feel lost like I expected. I don't knw what to do now that I have freedom to make desicions and I dont do anythin, thinking I might make the wrong one. Im afraid, I know Im alot better off than alot of other people but I really feel like shes abandonned me, not watching me 24/7.
~onyx

Living in fear of doing something wrong is like not living at all. You're OVERthinking things. Sure, it's good to go over decisions, but if you keep thinkign you'll do something wrong -- or feel lost with your newfound freedom, you're not even free. If she'd abandonned you, she wouldn't be lecturing you. She's allowing you to grow up on your own, without her dogging on you every three seconds. Before, you were practically living HER life -- the life SHE wanted you to live, but now she's letting you live YOURS. You're not always going to have someone watching over you. You just gotta embrace what she's given you, and don't let the fear run your life, 'cause from what I can see, that's what you're letting it do now .

Oh wow....I know exactly how you feel, okay maybe not EXACTLY but I have a pretty good idea of what your going through judging from your posts.
I, too, have been sheltered all my life...well not near to that extreme (no offence of course) but my parents used to freak out every time I would take walks around our niehgborhood (forgive the spelling) so...I explained to them that I was going to have to learn to survive on my own someday soon anyways and that it would be good for me to start making my own decitions (to a certain degree)
Well they were dead agiast it atfirst and still are to somepoint (I mean I still can't walk up to Publiz like I want which I still find rediculouse), but eventually realized that I was right, atleast now I can go on walks...and recently I adopted a German Sheapord mix named Charlie who's staying at a friends house until I can get the money to house him, well to make a long story short, Charlie's sick and since he's my responsibility I'm the one who gets to make the decitions on how to take care of him, and what happens to him (my friend won't do anything concerning Charlie without my permisstion), well considering I've always had my mom to help me make decitions, I'm finding it really hard to know what to do....I love Charlie dearly and wouldn't want to do anything to cause him harm...but at the same time I have to do something. So I know where your coming from when you say you feel abandoned...sometimes, exspeially when you've had someone to guide you all your life, when you do reseive freedom and your giude suddenly leaves, you don't know where to go from there...its a scary time but its something everyone has to learn at time point an time..
I should know...I'm planning on moving out next year at 17 if I can raise the money, I know its not going to be easy..but most things in life arn't.
you can also ask God to help you through, I have no idea what your views are on religion but I know he's helped me a lot when it comes to knowing what to do.

Wow i do know exactly what you are going through exactly no cell phone they monitor my email accounts, i dont have internet at home, they have to approve of my clothes, i wasnt allowed to date till i was 16 now i just brought my first guy home im 17 and my step dAD took him for a walk to talk with him, i dont go out with friends i am not allowed to get my license, ect i could go on and on but im sure you get the point, my family is not religious they are just over protective and no matter how many times i explain it they wont hear me. I absolutley believe in learning from your own mistakes. You have to expect to get some bumps and bruises and there comes a point where they have to give you some space but they dont. They constantly tell me that i will thank them some day i dont believe i will i believe that once i move out if not before grad i wont come back. My big sis moved out at 16 and rarely comes home she hated the rules to and tries to malke things easier on me but my rents will barely ever let me see her alone. I dont think parents understand our lives sometimes its not the same as it was 20 years ago. Good luck and if you ever want to hear more or tell me about your stuff more PM me.

THNX

For anyone who thinks Im crazy I dont think you realise that a teeenagers life is apparntly the best time of their life and if that time is monitered by a parent then they miss out on all the fn in life. I hope U get it now.

I know you must be frustrated but try to remember its your parents actions you hate, not them. Try to see things from their point of view. Do they know what their overprotectiveness is doing to you or are they just doing the best they can under the circumstances? Im not saying you should like or agree with their rules, just try to understand the thought behind them. Think about it, would you rather have parents who dont give a s*** about you? Youd get the cell phone and the freedom but you would never get the luxury of caring parents. I was sheltered for most of my life. My mom made sure i never knew there was bad in the world. My mom died suddenly when i was ten and i found out that bad dreams really do come true. My dad got remarried six months later. Sometimes a week would go by and the most i would hear out of my dad would be "go outside and play". No "i love you", no "how was school today", just "go outside and play". I started to appreciate all the things my mom did to protect me. I really sympathize with you, overprotection is the worst thing a parent can do to a child. Just make sure you forgive them and dont wait until its too late. Hope my advice helped=)

*stillmomsgirl*

Dumb post*

You have it easy. My parents are choking me, (not literally) but I can't swear (i've learn to control it around my parents) but when around friends it doesn't matter. I am not aloud to go out,alot of the time im stuck at home,as for the computer,my mom watchs me at times,or she'll sneak on my pc and look threw my pc and check stuff out,she doesnt like me posting pics on the web even if it is of only my face,if i got out i have to be home by 10,depending the week,i am so afraid to do anything because it'll be a disapointment,ive tryed to remain calm and express that they cant kep doing this,im an out cast now,i do not like ppl as i did before... anyways... ugh.. (pls forward your replys to my post to my mail,I wont be back to this forum)

I don't have anything to say at all. But i guess you would know better when you grow up and become a parent by yourself...don't worry things will be better for you. Give your parents the assurity and make them trust you..Make them realize that you are matured enough to handle situations...and then you will have your cellphones, friends...party nights..wtever.They just care for you too much that you can't handle it...lol.

Personally I think thats a good way to get raised. Your taught how to be a decent human being, which have become extinct lolz. And your only 13 dude, you should have some limitations until you reach maturity. if you prove to them now that you can handle responsibilities and limits theyll eventually slack down. So for now do it and dont complain and show how mature you "really are" lol. pieces.

You're only 13! You have plenty of time to make your own decisions later in life! Be grateful you have parents to shelter you, I'm 17 and just now starting to be sheltered but since I'll be an adult next yr its kinda too late...be happy they love you and just wait a few yrs. You'll get more freedom as you get older

I'm only 16 but I can say you're parents are really protective of you. I mean, that can be a good and bad thing, you know. Like, you hate it because you get no freedom, but I think you'd understand when you grow up and have kids one day. I mean, I suppose I'm not really one to talk, because I rebel against my parents, and I'm not as protected as you. But it's because I set MY ground rules on them. They can't sqirm their way back into my life after neglecting me for 7 or 8 years of my childhood life! Sorry, started getting mad and off topic. lol. But anyway. Maybe you should have a talk with them, set some ground rules of your own, you know. Just have a talk. Negotiate, even. It might work. :]
And you should look up some big words and use it on them! lol. Start talking all sophisticated-like. That would be fun. :D lol.

Yeah Hillary, thats like a lil lot of overboardness.Calm the christian crap down. Thats not the right way to spread the word of god little girl. And you wont go to hell if you say no once to your parents. Pieces.