I Don't Understand.

Before I explain my problem, I need to say first that I'm really emotional. I get upset easy, I cry easy, and I get mad about stupid little things. I ask questions that I know are going to hurt me, and then I get upset about it. I've made my boyfriend promise to never, ever lie, and then I deliberatly ask the questions that I know the answers to will upset me. I don't know WHY I do this, and I deserve the anguish I give myself, and I hate it. I told myself just today that I'd stop causing these stupid problems and releasing my emotional crap on my boyfriend. I'm so lucky to have him and I'm so scared he's going to get tired of the pointless crap I do. Okay, anyways, my question for him today was, if it didn't bother me, would he sleep with other girls if he got the chance? Yes, I know, stupid and pointless. Anyways, he thought for a little while, and then said, "I don't think so." THINK? What am I supposed to make of that? My answer would be straight up NEVER. I'd never even consider it or ever, ever want to. The fact that his answer was not no, considering the fact that he says he loves me as much as I love him (which is an impossible amount), and he does not lie, frightens me. And I don't understand. We've worked it out, and i'm not mad, I understand, and I feel so horrible for freaking out. So the advice I'm looking for: 1)I'm panicking. I'm so scared he's going to get sick of my emotional crap and leave me, even though he adamantly(sp) denies he ever will, I just can't let down those walls and believe him; 2)What should I think of his response? It still confuses me.

I love my boyfriend will all my heart and soul, and I know he loves me too, but I'm a bit confused. Please don't be mean, okay? Thanks.

I think he said 'think' because he wasnt IN the situation. he said no anyways.. so chill. loosen up.

"if it didn't bother me"

This is the fatal flaw in your question lol Obviously it would bother you, so why even hint that at some point in time it wouldn't? As someone who likes to push, be careful what you wish for.

^True. I know. I'm so stupid. I bring everything upon myself. He knows there's no way in hell I'd EVER not mind if that happened...but...I don't know. I have no idea why I do this to myself. I'm a hag. He's going to get so sick of my emotional crap. Gah! Thanks both of you.

You are checking for weaknesses, I do it because I convince myself there is a weak spot in the relationship and it is never going to work so I pick it and him apart until it drives us both insane. It's not a healthy road. Instead of blurting out every question that comes into your head, stop and think about whether it is a can of worms that really needs to be opened.

Thank you, so much. I trust him, and I know he loves me, but there's still the part that refuses to accept that because I'm so, so afraid that once I let down that wall, it'll fall on me and I'll lose him. I'm so afraid to lose what I have, that I weedle and worry and cry and get mad and get so down on myself and I can't STAND it anymore, and I'm sure that he can't either. Most of it comes from my views on myself, and I'm convinced he could do so much better and I'm jealous of every girl I see because I feel so ugly compared to her, and I wonder what he's thinking. It's quite pathetic, and I don't tell him most of this I just drive myself nuts with it, but I start stupid things. GAH! I hate the anxiety. Maybe there's something wrong with me? Most of this is under the surface, because usually we're great.

I just never had a good relationship with a man and never learned to be trusting and comfortable in a relationship. think of it this way, you are driving yourself crazy, you figure you must be driving him a little crazy, but through all that craziness he is still there, that is not a reason to doubt him, but to appreciate him. Take my word for it though you can only push so far. Don't doubtyourself, if he did not want to be with you, he wouldn't. Every minute of every day he has the choice to walk away from you, but he hasn't, so stop waiting for the wall to fall on you and just enjoy the sunshine, we all deserve to be happy.

Oh sweetie. I used to be exactly the same, i still am in some aspects. It's gotten better for me because we're engaged and moving in now so i feel more secure, but it sounds like you have a long way to go before you reach that status.

Causing yourself this anguish is hurting you and probably your boyfriend but it won't stop overnight because you're so set in your ways. It's not a bad thing, just unhealthy for your relationship.
It's not about the answers he's giving you, it's the questions. When you feel something like this coming on, bite your tongue before you ask him and ask him for a big hug instead. Being in his arms will immediantly put you more at ease and you can talk to him about the question thats bothering you rather than fire a question at him thats going to put him on the spot.

If you ever want to talk, PM me cos i know what you're going through.
Good luck
*Gem*

I am the same way, I have calm down on my emtional status though and it has made my boyfriend and me stronger. he deals with my stuipd side because he loves me that much. it is like I was this way before he met me and I was like this when we started dating so therefore, he deals with it, it gets on his nerves so bad sometimes but then other times he laughs at it. I guess it depends how your realationship is at this time.

Thank you so much, all of you, you have no idea how much I appreciate all of your help.