Help With Grammar of A Poem

Hmm so I didn't know where this post should go. I'm not really asking for RRC's, dear mods.

I wrote a new poem, and I have my tense all entangled in it. Can someone who is really experienced with dealing with various kinds of tenses help me out? I'd love to sort the mess out, and just so that this doesn't take shape as an RRC, I'll PM you the poem. :)

Hope you mod guys don't mind this...if this isn't the right place, please tell me where this needs to go...thank you.