Split in two...

I always thought I was pretty careful with my emotions, you know, like Johnny cash said in "walk the line"..I keep a strong watch on this heart of mine. But recently something has come up that has changed my understanding of all those silly ideas....

It doesn't matter about the details...that is private, and not a laughing matter....but I recently began to feel something for someone that perhaps I shouldn't have...they were...well committed and I....well...I should not have gone there...metaphorically speaking of course.

I am so divided right now...I dont' want advice..no one can tell me anything about this situation I don't already know...I just don't have anywhere else I can express this...no need to reply....

I need to calm down and get back to my old self....my painting and writing...

jeez it's hard being two people at once...

Hi

I totally understand what you mean about being two people at once. Its hard. Smiling when you know its just painted on your face and hurting when you know it cant get out past your walls.

I have been there before too. Somewhere I shouldnt have been. But you cant think of that now. What youve done is done. I hope you can put it down to experience.

My past is littered with wrong decisions. And Im only 18! If you feel like you can talk to me, Im here.

Megan

There is nothing to talk about Megan...but thanks for offering.

Just do me a favour, watch out for yourself ok...don't let anyone online trick you into thinking they care in a really special way....i mean, lots of people do...I'm sure, you're 18...but, just be careful...I wasn't and now I think I've messed up...not only that thing with the girl...but friendships too...I'm just not used to dealing with these kinds of things...I'm a grown up man...you know 28...and to feel like teenager again...all highly strung and irrational..it's...tricky...

I should be laughing my ass off right now...I mean look at me....a joke...just one big joke.

But thanks...you are very nice to offer...you don't even know me.

Yes. I understand. Its hard to get close to people on here because you dont know them. And then when you do know them you find out it was all a lie. Ive been there, done that. Well I just hope your friends will see that your heart was pure and that everyone messes up from time to time.

Are these friends of yours from before or friends on this site?

Its nice to see a guy that actually cares. And youre not a joke. Who can say that feelings are a joke? They are cruel and unkind but not a laughing matter when they are crushed.

Dont be so hard on yourself.

Are you sure you are 18?...you sound much wiser than that...than me even and I've got 10 years on you...ha..not that it matters eh? People are people...idiots and angels no matter their age.

I can't help but be hard on myself, because there is no one else who knows about this to punish me....and the focus of my attentions has vanished...

Ugh...lets talk about something else eh? Are you new to this site?....I see you are something of a an artist...thats really cool...I used to draw cartoons...but gave it up for music...which is my main thing now..

You're a musician!! Thats great. I play the guitar (and have done since I was about 10 so at the moment Im looking at mastering something else - I play the harmonica already and wouldnt mind getting into the drums). I love music more than anything else in life. It is my rock.

I have been on this site before. A few years back and decided to come back now that I am starting a band and wanting to get back into writing lyrics. I stopped coming here because I caused a bit of havoc with swearing and getting out of line in the threads. Oops. ;-)

To be honest. I dont think I will be getting too involved on the chatting side of things now as I dont want to get kicked off and lose my work (once i have it all up). The people that police these things are not too lenient on people like me. I dont tend to back down when I think I am in the right.

I have to rush off to work now....you sound like you would fit right into a club I'm a member of...I'll ask the owner to let you in and then you can apply to join...or in fact apply now and I'll put in a good word for you...

You can write anything you want there...no rules...and strangely no rudeness...imagine.

It's called "The Club"....very simple.

That sounds great!! NO rules?!? Heaven! Ok well I'll look it up and see if they let me in! :-)