Whats wrong with me!?!?

i dont know whats wrong with me!!!me and my best friend have been trying to stop hurting ourselves and she's great at it!she hasnt cut herself for over a month and me?i told her i stopped but i only did it again and again and again.but then i stopped and it's been almost 2 weeks since the last time i cut.and just on christmas eve i was looking through my black book it's a book a kept with dark poetry and quotes and things i wrote about stuff goin on and about how i felt.then i found a poem on here that described my past so clearly when i finished reading it my hands started to shake and my breathing got heavy i felt so shaken inside i wanted to scream!so i took a shower to cool off...it didnt work.since my sister found out i had been cutting i knew i couldnt do it again cuz she'd check my arm,so oviously i couldnt do shit to myself.but then i took the siccors out again....and carved "Breathe"into my ankle when i saw the blood drip....i felt a wash of relief,but later i felt guilty.today i wanted to cut so bad!!!no one was home and i started hitting myself against the wall,i had never felt this way in my life i grabbed my black book and threw it accross the room i wanted to rip out all the pages but i knew that wouldnt give me relief.so i got out a hair tie and put it on my wrist and started snapping it,it was the only thing i thought to do....the tie broke and i started to cry.i dont know whats happening to me!!!!and i'm scared.does anyone have an answer?is everyone as far as i feel like they are?

ok first off I have totaly been there I was extreamly frusterated and I did the same thing as you I cut myself. so when I get like that (even tho it sometimes dosent work) I write in my poetry book to express how I feel and when i'm done I feel much better. Or I scream ad hard and ad loud as I can in my pillow which helps too. eventually I get so tired and warn out that I don't have time to cut myself because I am so tired. the key is to get your mind off cutting yourself even when you want too. you have to be in charge and say no I will no cut! and do something eles instead. but beilive me: saying I will not cut only makes you wanna cut more so you have to be strong and put your chin up. you well feel so much better if you do. I hope that helped. I know I was rambeling on but I had so many ideas in my head.

thanx i think i ill try it but i know it's gonna be hard,but last night i lost control and i cut my self 2 times and i started to laugh can u believe that?i thought i was crazy!!!and when i went to go to bed i felt so stupid for it.but still i'm gonna try your advice.thanx for it!!:)