Broken...

I don't know what's happened to me. even though my life has always been hard and painful, i had managed to keep all the pain inside and hold it in. but lately.... just the slightest thing has made me break down, it's like all my sadness is just coming down and punishing me for trying to forget about it.... and my life just gets harder.... why?

It's not a question of 'why you', you just have to deal with what you've been dealt.

Hmmm
true.....
i think i might have to change it to why? instead of why me? cause that just sounds extremely self-centered.

It's not necessarily self centered to question why you're going through pain, it's human nature. but you just have to get your head through it to look forward to better times.

That's really good advice.
but that's what i've been doing for such a long time now, and...... it's as if the wall i built around myself collapsed. it's just so hard to get back out of it.

Do you talk to pyschiatrists about it or anything? even so much as telling people what you're feeling without being judged can help.

as for now keep your chin up, if you've made it this far it'll just make it easier in the future if you ever go through something hard again.

I can't talk to a psychiatrist. everyone around me thinks i'm a happy little girl, they don't know how i feel... and idiot that i am, i can't bring myself to tell them.

It's best to just get the guts to tell them, storing it all in won't boil it down it'll just make it bigger. It usually takes me weeks bottling it up before i get to the point where i have to tell my mum. i don't usually have the courage to say it on the spot. but knowing she knows makes things a lot better and you feel like someone's on your side. so telling whoever you can is the best step towards feeling happy again.

I will try to do that but...
i don't know why i am so scared, i don't even know what i fear of by telling my parents but i don't think they'd understand. they're too busy with their own lives.

You can't corrupt your thoughts of them by thinking they won't care, they will. if they're even so much as halfway decent or 1% sane they will give a crap so you don't need to feel scared about telling them. loving parents understand and can't stand the thought of their children suffering, let alone on their own.

True. i will try to talk to them

Okaaaaayyyyy good. if they don't understand you aren't abnormal. a lot of parents are incredibly strange about certain things. i'm off to bed. GAH 2 AM.

xx

Hormones. You're 13 and thinking life is horrible. Plus, hitting puberty and peer pressure about to hit it. You're making yourself depressed. Happens all the time.

I'm going through the same thing.
Uncrontolable tears for no apparant reason.
Its really tough

It probably is hormones.
but i'm not just making things up. my life is pretty horrible, not nearly as bad as others but it's not happy.

That's how it is for me. i'm under extreme stress right now and the littlest thing will make me burst. Look at all of the activities you are involved in (school and job included), and list EVERYTHING that is going on in each of those catagories. Then go through and see which ones are not needed and that you can drop out of. That will reduce the stress tremendously. It worked for me!

Hmmm
that's actually a good idea, maybe i will try that as well.