Am I a horrible person?

On June 15 2006, my mom died of heart problems. She was 46, had been sick for 6 years.
Sunday, my dad called me to tell me that my grandma who happens to be 89, was "giving up" no one expects her to make it much longer. my question is, does it make be a bad person to think that its not"fare" that my mom died so young? I mean, dont get me wrong, I love my gramndma, and I am very sad. I just wish we had a little say in life(dumb wish I know) I'm so so depressed about everything, my thoughts and emotions are so screwed up right now.

I don't exactly .. know what you think you might be a horrible person for? come again.

if that is your prime question- does it make be a bad person to think that its not"fare" that my mom died so young?

then no, everyone and anyone who has ever loved somebody who died young asks why they were taken at such a light age. if you think you might be a horrible person because the question or realisation occured because your grandmother is dying, then still no. you're dealing with grief, things like this are normal.

Its just so hard to deal with, every year for the past 6 years someone I love dies. I'm getting to the point where I dont want to get close to anyone. I'm actually scared. I know its bad and i shouldn't think like this but i cant help but think "who's next"

My mom died, then my pastor, then my dog, then my grandmother, then my second dog, and my aunt(70), who i live with, has come close to dying several times(health issues), i guess you could consider my dad dead since i hardly speak to him, this has all happened within a time period of about four years so i kind of know what youre talking about when you say youre afraid to love. I keep thinking people will leave me or die so i dont get close to them and ultimately, everyone will die and ill wish i had spent the time i had loving them instead of pushing them away.

You're not a bad person at all. Your mom was your mom and no one ould replace her. Children have a special conncetion with their Mom that they can't find anywhre else. Your Mom was very young, and I'm so sorry to hear you lost, but your gram must be upset about it. Talk to her and say all things you can to your gram that you regret not telling your Mom. You'll be in my prayers.

In Christian Love,
Sarah

Of course your not a horrible person
my mom died 5 years ago and i still feel like life isnt worth living without her
youll never stop missing her but the pain will eventually lessen and you will start to celebrate her life rather than mourn her death
please pm me if you want to and get the chance
id love to talk more
hang in there
=l

My Dad died of a heart attack at age 39 in 1994 I was 14. I know how you feel. I felt the same. I didn't want to be with my Mom because I was and always will be a Daddys Girl. So you are not a horrible person. The feelings that come with the death of a special person differ from person to person. But one thing, never blame yourself. I did that and I spent 2 years of my life in counseling and on depression meds. That was not fun! The only thing I can tell you is that love the person no matter if they are gone or not and remember all the good times you shared and the feelings of blame will eventually go away! God bless and good luck. I'll be praying for you!
C.J.
XOXO