Cancer, Loss of friendship and so much more.

Let me start out saying that my parents are going threw a long, drawn out, stressful, divource battle. My father is an alcoholic and a drug addict and my mother is a workoholic and stressed out of her mind. My father and I lost our closeness lately, as he has been treating my mom badly. I guess I was kind of afraid he would start treating me like that as well...

I now live with my grandma. I don't exactly like it but she is better than living with a drunk druggie who you never know whose mood will be (not an insult, just his personality mixed in with it made him like that) My grandma broke her leg when i was five and she still cannot walk. So she is in need of help a lot, I don't mind helping her at all. I mind that I can't stop helping her when five other people live here!

In the middle of the move my mom tells me my other grandma (dads mom) has cancer. She is a lovely woman as well and it pains me to think of what life would be without her. I don't visit her as often as I should, but I love her with my whole heart. She's standing strong so far, but I just can't take thinking about it sometimes.

My best friend, is having issues with the lack of time I spend with her; due to the issues listed above. I am usually spending time with my family and no matter how much I explain she doesn't understand. It's not something I expect her to understand but I do try to spend as much time as I can with her.

She starts fights with me all the time and blames it on me. I am not just saying that, she tells me one thing and changes it later just to yell at me that I heard her wrong. She sits up late at night thinking of ways to yell at me (I hope you don't think I'm exagerating. If you do, you two should truly meet up)

So I admit, in the mix of all this I have had some thoughts (ha... some) of suicide. I know I couldn't do that to my family right now though. I have cut and it helps. I try not to cut because it gets noticeable lately since i' mwith my family so much and I'm running out of lies. I try to spend most of my emotions in my poetry- which has caused a horrible dent in that. My poems are so confusing and jumbled lately it's pretty pathetic.

I don't really know how to make it better, and I need help. I need my friends but they are all begining to act like my best friend. Guess she has a great hold on them. I don't know what I can do...

It's not really a question at all... I just kind of want a little reassurance... or at least know that it's never going to change and that I'll have to find someway to fix my mood myself.

Okay, stop cutting first of all. Do what I do. Think about the future and all the things you are going to do with it.

I'm sorry about your grandmother, but all people pass one time or another. All you can do is spend the time you have left.

I'm also sorry with whats going on with your family. Familys now a days don't really hold together. My mom use to be a workoholic. She was trying to escape my step dad. Then she finally ended it with him and now she is home more. I've also lost closeness with my father, and haven't spoken in 3 years. Things happen. Your friend isn't being fair. If she is like that, tell her again what's going on. If she doesn't understand, than she isn't much of a friend.

I hope thinks pick up. You seem like a very strong, smart young women.

I've been doing better, recently. I don't want to die... and I don't know exactly where I want to go- but I wouldn't do that to my family.

I know things will get better... just the downs seem to last forever and the ups are almost invisible.

I have had family members die before, it's just painful KNOWING when they will die and knowing you can't do a thing to help them but pray they last longer.

My family really never was together, we smiled and acted happy in public but behind clsoed doors its always been a battle. I only remember one happy memory of my dad... and the first memory of him is him forcing me to take a drink of beer.

I don't mean that my life sucks blah blah blah pitty me. I never want someone to act differently around me just because of something that is going on. I just want them to understand that I can't be on call 24/7 when I already am with my family.

I feel weird lately thoughu, and I think thats why everything is starting to bother me. When my friends leave to do something else I feel like they are abandoning me when I can only be around for so long, but yet I do the same thing to them when I have to go and think nothing of it. I feel like everyone is going to leave me lately and I really want out of that. I just have no idea how to..

Let me start out saying that my parents are going threw a long, drawn out, stressful, divource battle. My father is an alcoholic and a drug addict and my mother is a workoholic and stressed out of her mind. My father and I lost our closeness lately, as he has been treating my mom badly. I guess I was kind of afraid he would start treating me like that as well...

Wow... this is exactly whats happened to me... and well not my grandma, but my dad has cancer... and yeah, definetly thoughts of suicide... a lot... I constantly get in fights with my best friend...

I don't know if I can be that much help, but I can relate to what you're going through... just keep holding on and remember that if you actually did commit suicide, it would affect more than you...

"My family really never was together, we smiled and acted happy in public but behind clsoed doors its always been a battle"

Yes, this is EXACTLY how I would put it, all you can do, is try to stay out of fights, or try to not, start them, or make them worse...

Sorry if I wasn't much help, but you're not the only one who goes through this... families don't seem to ever be close anymore.... I hope things get better soon, because they will eventually...