Afraid of leaving

I've been dating my boyfriend a little over six months. we've been through some rough times, i stuck by him while he was in jail, he recently moved 45 minutes away also, and has started acting different, we recently broke up for a week because i needed space, but during that week he got drunk and smoked weed, something he didn't do while we dated because i asked him not to, because he can't control himself and does things like what he did this time, which is when this girl ashley, who has been his friend for 5 years and is also his ex, asked him out,he said yes, even though we agreed that we were just going on a break. and also he kissed this girl katie, who a few days earlier had IMed me saying she was'%^&*ing my ex' and when i called him, he was with her and even though she was in the background saying she had 'her own man', he just brushed it off. well a few days later he told me about ashley and said that he only said yes because he was drunk, and he tried breaking up with her but she acted liek he didnt even say anything and then he did it a few days later and broke off his entire friendship with her for me, and i dont think he did have sex with anyone because i was his first but lately i have been thinking about all the crap he's put me through, especially with these other girls, im sure some of you remember, about 3, 4 months ago my post about him breaking up with me for this girl sam for a week and got back together, i am always hearing that hes messing around with some girl but i hate to believe rumors. well in the past few months, my best friend, john, and i have started to become very close and we both have very strong feelings for eachother, but i'm scared to get out of my relationship with steve, 1. because i dont want to hurt him 2. because he has been such a big part of my life and 3. because if me and john dont work out, ill feel as if i made a mistake. my question is what should i do, i feel that i love my boyfriend yet i have strong feelings for john, which must mean that i dont really love my boyfriend right? i'm just afraid to get out of this relationship because it feels secure and its what im used to, please help me.

He can't control himself
his ex, asked him out,he said yes
he kissed this girl katie
when i called him, he was with her
about 3, 4 months ago he broke up with me for this girl sam
i am always hearing that hes messing around with some girl

You can't stay with someone just because you don't want to hurt them, obviously he has no problem hurting you. You gave 3 reasons not to leave your boyfriend, but not one of those reasons is a good reason to stay.

You two make sense, and my brain knows it's the better choice, but i dont know how to leave him for good. everytime we break up we get back together. i dont even know how to do it. how to leave him. i mean, ive broken up with people many times before, but how do i leave him for good, without caving into my want to be with him? i dont know what to tell myself.

Cut off all contact, he moved so that will help some, dive into the good things in your life and leave the bad behind. Everyone deserves someone who truly appreciates them and everything they have to offer.

I'm sorry, but how on earth can you feel secure in a relationship like the one you just described?

I don't believe there's any love between you. If there truly was, then there wouldn't be anyone else involved, but there is. There's this Ashley girl with him, and there's your friend John. If it was just between you two, then these other people wouldn't even be a factor.

My advice: try and get sure of your true feelings, and then follow your heart. But if these feelings you have for John don't go away, then you aren't being fair on yourself, and you aren't being fair on your boyfriend if you continue it.

Yeah. i dont know, i guess i have some twisted idea in my head that if i fix..something, everything can be better. but its not true. he treats me good, but only sometimes. i know ive put in more effort than him, and i think me developing feelings for john just goes to show that deep down, i know it wont work out. besides, john treats me [and anyone he dates] so much better, and i trust john, to boot, because he is extremely loyal, whilst my boyfriend and i, we have abolished all trust. we tried to gain it back, but it isn't working.

You've really got the answer to your own problem right in front of you then.

"It isn't working." - You said it yourself. So end it. I know it's not the easiest decision to make, but I'm sure you can see that ultimately it will be the best choice to make.

Right. i know. thanks. ill keep posted on what happens.