In honor of mom...

My mom died when I was ten and today is her birthday. I thought id post this in honor of her. i know its stupid but i feel like i need to do something to acknowledge that its her birthday. Its dreary outside and all im doing is lazing around, the house is quiet and empty except for my two dogs and i feel like im the only person in the world who knows, or cares that today my mom is/ would be 35 years old. Sorry if this was a stupid, useless post.=(
I love you mom. :*( Happy Birthday.

* Her birthday is over now *

"i feel like i need to do something to acknowledge that its her birthday"

This is not stupid, nor is it useless if it makes you feel better. Sorry for your loss, but her memory lives on. Best wishes.

I'm very, very sorry for your loss hun.. and that's way sweet of you to dedicate this to her on her birthday.

This post is definitely not stupid or useless.. I actually teared up from reading it.

It's not a stupid useless post =].. I think it's really sweet of you! =] Keep strong! <3
x

Thank You everyone=) It makes me feel alot better to know someone recognizes and appreciates my moms birthday.

Have you ever loved someone so much it couldnt be described in words.
Its the kind of love where i feel like i need to shout in order for it to mean anyhting.
It is the kind of love that has to be shown(for example, a hug).

I want so badly to hug my mom again, to tell her i love her.
I need her to hold me when i cry, come to my graduation, be a grandmother to my kids.

Its really hard around the holidays since her birthday is around Thanksgiving and she died on Christmas Eve.

Every holiday is hard because i remember so much of what we used to be doing on that holiday and what i could be doing if she were here.

Its hard to imagine that on this date 5 years ago my dad and i were celebrating her birthday with her not knowing we had exactly a month left to spend with her, exactly a month before our/my life started to fall apart.

I didnt mean to depress anyone or babble endlessly but i guess it was your choice to read it so... yeah, thank you so much, i extremely appreciate your replies and hope to see more, thank you=)

Her birthday is over now and I am still sad, actually i feel like punching things more than crying, anyone else whos lost someone plz reply, i need someone to relate to!!! Other replies are welcomed too, of course.=)

I lost my best friend a few years back... It's really, really hard. So I'm way sorry that you are dealing with the death of your mom... I can't even imagine how much that must hurt.

*hugs*

I have lost aunts, uncles, friends, a mentor, my grandfathers, but none of those could ever compare to my mother. I can only imagine the anger I would feel and the sadness that would creep in. My aunt is going through something kind of similar right now, she lost her husband suddenly this past summer and this will be her first Christmas without him and Christmas was his time of year. When we thought of Christmas, we thought and still think of my uncle. Carry on the traditions and things you remember doing with your mother, pass it on to your children, if you keep her and her traditions, she will always be there and though your kids may not get to meet her in the physical, they can learn so much from her memory, I know that is how it was for me with my grandfather. Hugs and best wishes hun, hang in there.

I always think of my mom and wish my friends would have known her. I know they would have loved her and she would have loved them. My friends all cried when they found out, and then we werent really friends anymore b/c they never really knew what to say to me. I hate feeling like this!!!
thanx for all your comments btw, they really mean alot to me=)

Thanx for the thought but its not that simple
her birthday has been over almost a month now
and christmas eve is coming up(the day she died)
its hard to just be happy shes in heaven when i need her here to hold me and tell me everything will be okay
i saw this quote that said "what do you do when the one who always dried your tears is the one making you cry?"
that quote is exactly what im feeling
i want her to make it all better but im sad about her so how would that work
obviously it wouldnt since shes not here
i must be really pathetic to miss her this much after 5 years
i dont usually dwell on it this much its just this time of year
her birthday and her death day are exactly a month apart
she died exactly a month after her 30th b-day(sorry if i already mentioned this above)
November 24, 1972-December 24, 2002
this time of year is just really hard and i appreciate your comments plz keep it up
sorry for being so dreary but this is the sadness/depression discussion board isnt it(rhetorical question btw)
thank you=)

How can you ever think you are pathetic to miss your mother? 5 years is not a long time hun. I lost my best friend when I was 16, we had spent all weekend together, it was just after he 18th birthday, she dropped me off at home and died in a crash on her way home. That was 16 years ago and I still miss her and that would probably be multiplied by 100 if it was my mother. This time of year is always hard and even harder because this is when you lost her. In all honesty though you have to think, think of what she would say to you. If you believe in heaven and think she can see you, don't you think she would want to see you happy, thinking of her, remembering her and keeping her alive but learning to let go of your pain. It will never entirely go away, there will always be that pang of sadness, but you have to believe your mom would want the best for you. Calling yourself pathetic and what not, not helpful or true. Post to your hearts content my dear and know we are here for you.

Thank you so much for that comment *tear*
i would love to be happy and i could be if i tried hard enough i guess i just have so many other things going on that i wish she could help me through
its so hard to not be sad and its so hard to want to be happy
thank you all for the amazing advice plz keep it coming and feel free to share your own experiences
thank=)
-stillmomsgirl

Its not her b-day ne more but thanx
i really appreciate the comments
=)

Im feeling really crappy
ive been watching alot of movies lately(and crying my eyes out while watching them, I watched "christmas shoes" and "The Land Before Time") that bring back memories
good memories but still sad
i miss mom so much i just want it to be the way it was
ppl say i need to suck it up and stop feeling sorry for myself and i know i sound like a broken record but i dont feel like this hurt will ever go away
i want to be happy but i feel like the only way that could happen was if she were here
i need her to be alive so i can live
i need to hug her, talk to her, ask her questions, tell her im sorry and i love her
how is it possible to love this much?
i need her to tell me ill be okay
i need her and shell never be here again
sorry
i would talk to friends about this but the ones that arent busy wouldnt want to hear it
i needed to tell someone
trying not to be too depressed
thanx for taking your time to read this
=(

Sorry about that last post
i was just really angry and sad and lonely
im a little better for the moment
thanks for all your posts!!!

Wow really nice...this is what exactly what i was looking for . that is the nicest thing that you could have done for your mom. I can really say that i understand how you feel...I'm thankful that my mom is still alive though not near or hardly even know where she is at all. but i believe that someday i will meet her. If your mom would have been there..i'm sure that she would be proud of you...Regards, Neo.

Thanx i havent been getting many comments on this topic
i feel like i have to atleast acknowledge that it was her birthday

couple days ago(christmas eve) i had alot of trouble b/c i had to clean all day in preparation for our party and i had no way of acknowledging that she had died 5 years ago
i asked if i could go for a walk and all i got was a strange stare and"are you crazy its 5 degrees outside!!!" I wanted to visit her grave but i just said nevermind and dropped the subject...and cried a little(secretely)

I have this thing where its almost impossible to say really important things out loud
i can write them but i cant speak them
like if someone doesnt know, it kills me to have to say "my mom died"
i also have this thing where if i am going to visit her grave, i cant tell anyone and i have to be alone

it has to be my special thing and if some figures out what "Im going for a walk means" its fine with me, as long as they dont talk about it and i dont have to say it
i can talk about her life, its just her death i have a problem with
is it wierd that i cant say things outloud, especially since its been 5 years?

Thanx :)

That's very sweet of you to remember your mom's 35th birthday and celebrate it. Thanks for posting this. Now we can celebrate the life of a person who is important to you. :) Your mother should be very proud to have a daughter that's so thoughful and caring.

Happy late birthday to your mom.

Saaad,
i am very sorry.. i feel really bad, a mom is something that can never be replaced. i am sorry, but you know.. life goes on, and i bet she is in a better place right now, and i hope you can make her proud! and dont feel stupid, because thats not stupid at all. okk? feel better!

I know what its like.
I lost both my parents
but its so beautiful that you are acknowledging her
and don't ever think its stupid, shes your mother and will remain in your heart forever!!