Deppression

I have the most wonderful b/f anyone could ask for, but yesterday I was upset because some of my close friends and some other people I know were doing bad things to me and I just couldn't take it anymore...well I know it was wrong but I flipped out on my b/f and he tried to make me feel better by joking around with me like he always does but that just made me more mad, but I was at his house and didn't really want to make more of a scene than I already had so I just tryed to keep my mouth shut. Shortly thereafter I was trying to calm down and I just got really sad. I felt like no one understood what I was going through, and even if they did they wouldn't care. I started contemplating if I should leave my wonderful b/f because he wasn't calming me down (only annoying me...even though he really was trying to calm me down in his own way it just wasn't working). I was sleeping over my b/f's house and as the night went on he kept asking me if I had calmed down and if I felt better and I told him that I did...But I really didn't. At one point during the night I thought of downing pills to kill myself but I knew that was wrong. I realized that it would hurt my family but most inportantly my b/f...I just felt like I was spinning ou of control. I was trying not to go back into a stage of deppression that I really didn't want to be in. When I woke up I felt a little better but I still felt a little bit like if things didn't change quickly that I was going to start spinning out of control again and I did no want that to happen. I tryed to act all happy and stuff in front of my b/f so I didn't worry him, but I didn't really want to (if you know what I mean).

Sorry that you got that sad. but why didn't you just tell him what happened? you don't have to keep your feelings locked up inside when you have someone you can talk to. you should tell him what was wrong and what the people said to you. it'll feel better.

I've been telling him on other occasions what people have been saying to me and he has tried to help me as much as he could.. but I don't know... I didn't want to tell him anymore because I don't want to be a burdon on him with all his things he needs to deal with. I don't think he'd mind but I'm just afraid of pushin him away, so lately I've tried not to say anything bout it and pretend I'm ok...but last night was the final straw and I couldn't.

If your relationship is a good one you should both want to help one another through whatever you are going through, obviously he wants to help you if he is trying to cheer you up and get your mind off of it in the first place. People have all different ways of dealing with things and I have to say no one will ever really understand what you feel because they are not you, so if you want them to know and understand you have to speak up. Words can only hurt you if you let them, no matter what anyone says to or about you, you know the truth. Yeah sometimes it is maddening and you feel like knocking someone out, hell you might even do so, but none of that drama is worth destroying yourself or your relationship.

I know better than to destroy myself or my relationship...But it is hard...I know he is only trying to help...Maybe next time I need ot be a little more forward about what I want (and when I want him to stop goofing around because I am too agrivated for that to help).