MoM Issues

I haven't seen or spoken to my mother since my birth day last year..(April 18) She left me and my brother and my dad about 9 years ago...i kinda had a relationship with her but as I got older i found more stuff about my mom and the whole situation...I tried not to hate her but I just did...I mean I'm glad she left because i did not want an alcoholic or druggie mother...But I think about all the things i missed out on by not having a mother....I have just started talking to her again but it just doesn't feel like it should..I don't feel right...like I shouldn't be talking to her...I don't know what to do...

Thanks*